live in love.

i’m learning very quickly that there are no heroes in most real stories.  anyone who can clearly create a hero and a villain in an enormously complicated situation, such as the end of a marriage, is either in denial, or is remarkably lucky/unlucky (however you want to look at it, i guess).  because of this, it is impossible to pick sides, but inevitably sides must be chosen.  so how do we choose?  there is no black and white here, but a million shades of grey.  i think it ends up being who we want the most, who we care about the most in that deep, dark place in our souls that we try so desperately to pretend doesn’t exist.  neither of them is evil; nether of them deserve a shitty marriage.  my sister, because she sees them about 10 times a year and can lie to herself.  she clearly sees a hero and a villain.  i live with them, and i see it all.  i don’t see the black and white.  i see the hundreds of shades of grey.   i know that there are a million stories behind the larger one that she sees, and as much as i would like to, they are impossible to forget.

but oh, i wish there was a hero.  it would make life infinitely easier.

(the title of this entry is for alycia, who is the only person who reads this that is not some anonymous blog stat.  and is possibly the only person to have a burned copy of the hercules soundtrack in her car.)