live in love.

when we love someone enough to change our lives for them and, for the first time in our lives, share the center of our lives, we women put on a poofy white dress, uncomfortable shoes, five pounds of makeup, and force our best girlfriends to do the same thing, but in a much uglier dress.  we walk down a long white aisle, smile until our cheeks burn, and, most importantly, we take vows.  we promise to love, cherish, honor, have, and hold another person until death does us part; we promise to give every gift to another that we have previously only been giving ourselves.  our survival instincts suddenly include another person; the pronoun “we” is used just as commonly, if not more, than “i”.  we take vows so that, when the road gets rocky, we remember what we’re promising by putting that all-important “r” in between the formally very solitary “ms”.  they remind us that, when the married road gets rough, it is better to be with the one we love than alone with our pride.

but what about when a relationship ends?  especially the serious, committed, movie-love, kind of relationship?  the kind that changes you permanently and makes you see everything differently?  based on my personal experience, a break-up is every bit as life-changing as a union, so why aren’t there vows to remind of that when the single road gets rough, it is better to be alone with a little dignity than with someone who is not the one?

therefore, in the hope that any anonymous reader that stumbles upon this blog is finding some major potholes on their solitary road, these are my personal vows.  i wrote them on a private blog over a year ago, after the end of a major relationship, and because i still find rocks on my single road, i want to share them with you.

i promise to remind myself, in any way possible, that although i love you, i need to love myself more.
i promise that, because there is a person on the planet that  is meant to love you more than i do, i will work everyday at letting you go.
i promise to believe in better days, for both of us.
i promise to pray for you when times are rough.
i promise not to settle for you when i feel lonely.
i promise to remember the bad times and the good times equally.
i promise to love and cherish myself more than i love and cherish you.
i promise to put on a cute dress and heels and have dinner with a man that isn’t you, because getting over someone is an active process.
i promise to remind myself that i deserve to be loved more unconditionally and completely than you do/did.

most importantly, i promise that, when i break these vows, i will forgive myself and love myself anyway, and remember that tomorrow is another opportunity to be a more self-actualized and content version of me.

i do.